Catherine Njoroge teaching young men about the stages of grief for Men’s Health Month
When we experience loss, the grief can feel overwhelming.
For young men, there are additional societal pressures and expectations that make this already difficult emotional process even harder.
From a very early age, young men are conditioned to suppress their emotions and “be strong.” They are consistently on the receiving end of the overt or subliminal message that expressing vulnerable feelings like sadness “just isn’t manly.” This toxic messaging prevents many young men from allowing themselves to fully experience and process grief.
Instead, young men often try to pretend they are OK and seek to distract themselves from the pain they are feeling. Whether drugs or drinking or even online gaming these individuals will go to great lengths to avoid facing the raw, emotions head-on.
For young Kenyan men, these pressures around emotional facades can be even more pronounced. Deeply rooted cultural traditions around masculinity and emotional stoicism create additional barriers and there is often a lack of understanding or access to mental health support.
Unlike grief counseling with women, young Kenyan men excuse themselves so they can break down emotionally and return composed. They make sure neither I nor the group witness their tears. Catherine Njoroge, Upili Counselor
Here’s the bad news: grief has a way of catching up with us. The longer we bottle it up, the more it grows and waits to emerge. What may begin as merely sadness can morph into anger, anxiety, depression or substance abuse if left unaddressed.
There is no “right” way to grieve, but avoiding or repressing the process altogether never works. Young men must give themselves permission to feel and honor their pain, despite the narratives—cultural and others– that tell them otherwise.
When doing grief counseling with young men I have learned they will agree to cry in the shower. This first step facilitates a grief-release while remaining private. Catherine Njoroge, Upili Counselor
Speaking to a counselor or being willing to join a grief support group can make a tremendous difference in how young men process grief. Tapping into the power of this therapeutic experience and community is the premise behind the Upili program.
At Upili we work to remind young men (and young women) it is never a sign of weakness to ask for help – it’s a sign of strength.
